Ballymena pioneers UK pit bull amnesty

COUNTY ANTRIM, NI—A four-week amnesty aimed at smashing a violent and sadistic canine crime syndicate, has begun in earnest this week.

Until the end of January, residents of Ballymena can safely deposit the illegal breed of Pit Bull Terriers in secure bins, placed at a variety of public reception areas, without fear of penalty.

The amnesty itself comes just two days after a small pack of pit bull terriers held up an elderly pet store worker, with a series of small knives fashioned from the shoulder bones of cows.

The same pack, known locally as “the Mutt Mafia”, are also believed to be involved in running a high-profile protection racket, extorting money and treats from fearful dog owners, hoping for safe passage through many of the area’s public parks.

Speaking on a local Television station earlier this morning, Ballymena council Dog Warden, Nigel Devine said; “The message of this campaign is simple – harbouring pets that are known gangsters, will not be tolerated.”

“Every pit bull handed in during this amnesty is another dog that cannot be lured deeper into a life of organised crime,” he added.

“Just think how you’ll feel when a pit bull rapes your Granddad.”

In 1996, 26,000 Syrian Hamsters were handed over during a similar amnesty launched after single parent, Clarissa Davies, was gnawed to death outside her home in East London.

Labour MP for Hull North, Diana Johnson, seen fronting the less successful ‘Crap pet’ amnesty of 2005.